“At this juncture, perhaps I might direct his lordship to the rockery, which boasts an excellent selection of campanulas for the horticulturally minded, a reasonably direct route to the stables for the sake of expediency, and a notable dearth of irrepressible and regrettably eligible young aristocrats.”

Alfieri (first name unknown) is the long-standing and long-suffering valet to Florizel Alphonse Diite. With many a withering glance – and the occasional meticulously planned escape – Alfieri makes a credible attempt at managing his master’s affairs. We use the word ‘affairs’ advisedly, given that it is abundantly clear Alfieri’s primary responsibility is to ensure that Florizel remains a happy bachelor, free from untoward romantic entanglements.

Email: alfieri@firmament.chaosdeathfish.com